Are you a creative writer? Do you enjoy design? Maybe you write music or perform songs? Maybe you do all of these of these wonderful things? Maybe you don't do any of these, but feel you have something worth sharing?

I'm looking for regular contributors to this site. Once approved, you will be able to publish anything insightful, informative or creative directly to the site. Not everybody wants to run their own website or blog - this gives you the opportunity to post your photography, your written work, your experiences or your music, with minimal effort. Once approved, all you do is send an email from your own account to a special address which will create and publish your content directy online. You can even attach photos, audio files, videos, youtube links and any other type of file or document. I will format your content quickly, ready for web viewing.

Have a look around the site and you'll be able to see the type of things I'm currently posting on my own. It would be great to have a bunch of friends all contributing to the same site, so please join me!

Regular contributors will also get a mini-bio with link to the work they have submitted. You can see the contributors link in the menu above. Get a place in there - it's empty at the moment!

Thanks for reading, and I really hope to hear from you soon...

 

uselessdesires.co.uk is now mobile web optimised. Same content. Same Blog. Just refined for mobile use. Of course, if you don't like the new mobile browser version, it's easy to switch off.

The woman in the post office queue the other day was mouthing off angrily about doing something, “The day after hell freezes over.” I smiled from the inside out.

It is a commonly held notion that Hell is hot. I suppose that rumour got around because the Old Testament was written in hot countries. Those old style leaders were good at what they did. The populace could vividly imagine burning heat but had little or no concept of burning cold and so, between suppressed imagination and corny leadership, the fallacy of a hot Hell was born.

Think of the coldest that you have ever been and then some. Have you ever got stuck to the inside of the freezer or experienced chilblains? You know a little of the true heat of Hell. Hell is so cold that your urine freezes in your bladder. Oddly enough, your blood keeps moving and your heart keeps on beating, for Hell is not about a living death it is a living punishment.

On first arriving in Hell you are still able to walk about quite freely whilst at the same time somehow recognizing that a place has been allocated for you and that on reaching that place you will somehow adhere to the permafrost. In that spot you will spend eternity – or what is left of it at any rate.

It seems that you are only just in your allotted place when, comfortable or not, you find yourself frozen to the knees. Time passes by with an amazing slowness even though events seem to occur with startling rapidity. I suppose one way of describing it is by drawing on the analogy of watching a movie recorded on long play played back at standard play: fast, jittery and nauseating.

You would think that being slowly or rapidly – depending on your point of view – encased in ice would add to or enhance all those negative qualities that got you to Hell in the first place. Surprisingly it has the opposite effect. You become caring, thoughtful and considerate before the ice is even halfway up your thighs. By the time that it has reached your chest you are almost good enough to be considered human. In fact, by the time the ice is chest high, you are considered good enough to begin your punishment. Reminiscent of the fairy story hot Hell, the punishment lasts through all eternity, and there is no remission for good behaviour.

So there you are: stuck in Hell, encased in ice, then the floorshow begins. Your negative life begins to play and replay itself “live” for you. It begins with the childish indiscretions of the schoolyard – perhaps a little bullying that you indulged in. Remorse immediately fills your heart as your victim’s life unfolds before you. You see all the things that went wrong for them as a direct consequence of what you did. You are watching a chain of events that you could have stopped. You shake what little of your head that you can in disbelief as you see their life played out as if you hadn’t been such a bully. The pain is indescribable, the cold is eating in to you and the tears that just ran down your cheeks are freezing before building up to drop off in big chunks, taking huge pieces of skin with them.

So it goes on. Each inconsiderate moment, each small act of theft or treachery. The large things about which you had hoped you had managed to cover your tracks and obviously hadn’t. Your lying, deceit, envy and greed playing over and over again until the very idea of them cuts your soul into julienne strips and serves them up for dinner – yours, of course.

Each time this happens your soul is cleansed a little more, your sense of right and wrong is ingrained a little more in you a little more deeply and the pain gets more and more intense. Each child that was never born, each genius unfulfilled. How many cures for say, cancer, have slipped through our hands because of our sins of commission and omission caused their discoverers not to be born?

If I am making your skin crawl, you with your spot-on average misdeeds, just think of how Hell pays back the really bad guys. I dare say that Hitler, with six million souls on his conscience, will never see too many replays of his sins even through all eternity. His heart, and he has got one, must feel as though it wants to leave his body. Hell has enough pain for the relatively childish misdeeds but when you do something deliberately after you had the opportunity not to… Well, Hell does a little unfreezing and refreezing from time to time.

Oh yes, the Devil. That is another thing that people have got so wildly wrong. Hell is not presided over by one big boss with lots of little helpers, that is far too reminiscent of Santa Claus. The Devil is each and every one of us. He is the part of us that denies common sense and indulges selfishness.

Hell is, quite simply, the perpetual remembrance of every single thing we have ever done be it right or wrong. It is the relentless asking of questions that can only begin with “What if?”

Hell is home made, an icy freezer full of ready frozen sins and snack-sized mistakes.

And remember, you cannot escape Hell because there is no such place as Heaven.

Copyright © Cecilia Weightman 2000-2010. Reproduced with permission. Original source:
http://weirdsid.tumblr.com/post/1381539517/hell-a-short-story

One more year has come and gone,
Set in truth, all left behind,
Just wonders and worries ahead in time,
Days you’ll cry and nights no rest,
The year to come could soon depress.

Just as age catches your ways,
The light of night you soon will crave,
Into the warmth with sun over head,
Out of the season free of dread.

Seeking your freedom to love as you please,
Yearning for love to quench your disease,
For the winter will come soon in no time,
One more year to feel really sad,
And don’t forget that with the rains,
Comes another unrelenting birthday.

But without this progress,
without this life,
You sit in a hole,
Lost from time.

It's with your age,
That comes your beauty.
It's with this day,
That comes your duty.
To live the way you want you to,
To live your days,
To reap the fruit.

Copyright © 2010 Ryan Price

[Postscript: written for the sake of writing, not because I'm depressed - thought I would point that out!]

Soriko is an eclectic mix of modern and vintage-inspired jewellery & accessories.

From the Soriko website:

"There is something personal, charming and really quite irresistable about handmade jewellery and this is at the heart of what Soriko is all about. Jewellery doesn't have to be just about accessorizing an outfit - in fact I find jewellery can be a real pick-me-up (both the making and the wearing!) Jewellery can make you feel so many things: it can take you back to a childhood memory or make you hopeful of the future; it can make you feel sexy and confident and; it can make you smile and giggle with glee. With handmade jewellery you also get that little something extra: a piece that is unique, full of character and made with the utmost care."

For more, visit:

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20 Minutes After Quitting:

• Your heart rate drops to a normal level.

12 Hours After Quitting:

• The carbon monoxide level in your blood drops to normal.

2 Weeks to 3 Months After Quitting:

• Your risk of having a heart attack begins to drop.

• Your lung function begins to improve.

1 to 9 Months After Quitting:

• Your coughing and shortness of breath decrease.

1 Year After Quitting:

• Your added risk of coronary heart disease is half that of a smoker's.

5 to 15 Years After Quitting:

• Your risk of having a stroke is reduced to that of a nonsmoker's.

• Your risk of getting cancer of the mouth, throat, or esophagus is half that of a smoker's.

10 Years After Quitting:

• Your risk of dying from lung cancer is about half that of a smoker's.

• Your risk of getting bladder cancer is half that of a smoker's.

• Your risk of getting cervical cancer or cancer of the larynx, kidney or pancreas decreases.

15 Years After Quitting:

• Your risk of coronary heart disease is the same as that of a nonsmoker.

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The Health Consequences of Smoking: A Report of the Surgeon General. Atlanta, GA: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion, Office on Smoking and Health, 2004.

Just a few lines to tell you of a few developments:

- If you found this site via www.fotoflickr.co.uk, my photography & design site, that's because it's now closed. If you are interested in buying the domain name from me, let me know.

- The email addresses & mailboxes associated with fotoflickr.co.uk have now closed also.
These include:
ryan@fotoflickr.co.uk,
sales@fotoflickr.co.uk,
info@fotoflickr.co.uk and
andrew@fotoflickr.co.uk

- if you have tried emaling any of those addresses, please resend your email to ryan(at)uselessdesires.co.uk. Just substitute the (at) for the @ symbol. Spam is a problem! You can also email me on ryanjaprice (a)gmail.com.

- I have just secured, after two or three years of waiting, the domain name flomo.co.uk - I hope to launch a new site offering photography & design services under the new name of flomo* in the near future. For now, www.flomo.co.uk redirects to my main blog at www.uselessdesires.co.uk .

That's it for now. Nothing exciting. Just thought I'd share what I've been doing while giving smoking! See you on Twitter? I'm @uselessdesires on there.

Bye for now...

Ryan

*flomo = flo & molly, my two cats!

A few people are going to be pissed off at me this year as I'm not getting anybody any presents; and I will be upset and embarressed if any come my way; unless it's Mogodon or Valium to get me through the 'festive' season. Give me festive spirit(s) like Whiskey or Gin anyday. All I want for Christmas is to be with my family. I don't go home often anymore because it gets more upsetting to leave after each visit. I think a change of scene is in order…

Life has betrayed me. People are cold and shallow. And I am alone.

Welcome to the world of reactive depression.

Everytime I resurrect my blog from one host to another, some new new visitors wonder why I use the alias 'useless desires' or on twitter 'uselessdesires'

It's quite simple; it's the title of one of my favourite songs of all time, written by singer-song-writer, Patty Griffin (if you would like to read the original article, its at the end of this post) - here's a recording of that song:

Useless Desires (Lyrics)

Say goodbye to the old street 

That never cared much for you anyway
The different-colored doorways
You thought would let you in one day
Goodbye to the old bus stop, frozen and waiting
The weekend edition has this town way overrated

You walk across a baseball field
The grass has turned to straw
A flock of birds tries to fly away from where you are
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
I can't make you stay
I can't spend another ten years
Wishing you would anyway

How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires

Every day I take a bitter pill that gets me on my way
For the little aches and pains
The ones I have from day to day
To help me think a little less about the things I miss
To help me not to wonder how I ended up like this

I walk down to the railroad track and ride a rusty train
With a million other faces I shoot through the city veins
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
You wanted to be free
Somewhere beyond the bitter end is where I want to be

How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires

Say goodbye to the old building 
That never tried to know your name
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
You won't be seeing me again
Goodbye to all the windowpanes shining in the sun
Like diamonds on a winter day
Goodbye, goodbye to everyone

How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire
Burns the last of the day down
And I'm the last one hangin' around
Waiting on a train track, and the train never comes back
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires

THE THEME BEHIND THE SONG - PERSONAL REFLECTIONS...

Useless Desires is also about saying goodbye to old places, people and certainly saying farewell to certain situations. We all need to move on sometimes, and I have certainly done that.

And, I have my own story why Useless Desires meant so much to me when I first heard it. Here is it:

“Even I’m getting tired of useless desires”

"Say goodbye to the old street that never cared much for you anyway. And the different colored doorways you thought would let you in one day. Goodbye to the old bus stop frozen and waiting; The weekend addition has this town over-rated.

You walk across the baseball green, the grass has turned to straw. A flock of birds tries to fly away from where you are, Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend I can’t make you stay. I can’t spend another ten years wishing you would anyway. How the sky turns to fire, Against the telephone wire,
And even I’m getting tired of useless desires"

A while ago at work I was playing “Useless Desires” by Patty Griffin on the CD player, and I turned to my colleague and told her that Patty makes me happy. She asked who Patty was and I shook my head at her sad little
music life. “Useless Desires” is one of my favorite songs on “Impossible Dream” but it wasn’t till after she went home early that I played the song on my mp3 player (in the toilet!) that it made me cry. Why did it make me cry? Because I really let the words hit me, though I knew them well, it was the first effect they had.

"Everday I take a bitter pill, it gets me on my way"

Almost everyone has their days when dealing with stuff. So its nice to know I’m not alone in the whole in that scene. But it really gets old, which makes me frustrated at myself. I don’t blame anyone at this point for my loneliness, I sit and wonder what I have done wrong and what I can change. But then I throw my hands up at it all because its just a cycle of things I find hard to brake. Is it really me who thinks the new car smell has 'worn off' of me being around? Sure it has, I understand being busy, but that gets old too. I have no problem fitting someone in to my 'not-so-busy life' to have coffee with two weeks from now. I do like days where I don’t know what I’m doing till the last second, I need those days time to time. But mostly, I like having things planned and knowing what’s going to happen before it actually does. Some days I really don’t even think about how lonely I actually am. I was doing well for a while until my birthday came and went, and I felt like the avalanche of all I worked to dig myself out of came down again. I gave Michael, my then partner, hell on that grim day last year in 2005. I’ll admit, I wasn’t completely honest about my birthday. I held back what I was truly feeling. When the question was raised in my own mind of “Where is everyone else?” I fought tears that had been with me days before at the thought wondering the same thing.

"For the little aches and pains, the ones I have from day to day"

I was hurt because I feel like if I just packed up and moved again that no one would really care. I went through my “hermit time” when I just went to work and came home and made excuse why not to call up a friend to see if they wanted to do anything. After that effecting the relationships that are active in my life, I realised I needed to do something for the sake of those and for myself. But more so for their sake than mine, so I told myself has hard as it was and much as it might hurt to not hear back, I'd make the attempt to have relationships here. I don’t like doing things alone. I had friends who I used to call just to do our errands with each other (Dee, Carmel, Jessica, Simon, Stan ... all of you). Its always nice to have the company to do things with. When shopping I usually always need a second opinion. But, since my time at home, I have learned to do a lot of things by myself. I've gotten comfortable with the fact that I do things alone most of the time. But still the haunting feeling of just wanting some friends to call my own near me comes around again.

"To help me think a little less about the things I miss, to help me not to wonder how I ended up like this"

I know I can't think about the 'what if's' about moving back home. Its really hard to at times like these. No one wanted me to leave Wales, even my father. I saw the tears in my mothers eyes when she moved me into halls at uni; even my brother cried. I would be starting over in Uni, making new friends, and I'd be closer to my closest friends and my then-partner. When I was at home, I was actually happy. I think Wales just does that to me because it was one of the greater experiences in my life. I learned a lot and loved a lot and there was nothing ever quite like it anywhere else I've lived. Home is 'home' after all.

I guess I’m just echoing Patty’s words over and over again in my heart. Is it really worth it to have this desire of friendship here, in Lonely Leicester?

I’m getting tired of this useless desire.

Then again... I broke free and started over, like most of us do. I found love, I have a nice home and a few good friends. The only thing that keeps me unhappy is money, or the lack of it. But thats material, not spirit.

And so the journey continues...